by Brian Schwartz
I voted this week in Student Council elections for the first time. I voted for the tall skinny Mexican guy. He was running for the College Planning Committee. His name does not matter. All that matters is that he is tall and skinny, and so am I.
I stumbled upon the above reasoning upon seeing the signs for a woman who was running for the same position. Her name is not important, either. She reminded me of that, as she wanted people to vote for her "for a woman's voice on the council."
So I guess that all that is important about her is that she is a woman. What she chooses to be, think, or do is not important. The non-moral characteristic, sex, is important here. Well, according to this woman. Oh, and race and ethnicity are important to her, also. She wanted equal representation of certain groups of people on the tenured faculty. Other characteristics of the people are not really important. In fact, all individuals are representatives of their sex, race, and ethnic class.
This is what I have learned at Swarthmore. I took this lesson to heart, and voted for the tall guy. I mean really, he must represent me, and we are both tall and skinny. That woman who ran represents all women, and their interests. Of course, this type of thinking pits tall people against short, women against men, and all groups against all other. My interests are aligned with other people like me, i.e., white tall skinny men.
See, I used to be naive. I used to think that what people chose to be is important that morality applies in the realm of what people have control over. But now I realize that at Swarthmore, who I choose to be is not important. I am a representative of my sex, race, ethnicity, height, etc. And hence, so are the people who run in student politics.
With my enlightenment comes a new world view. My mission in life is to advance the good of my tribe. Donıt ask me what that means, after all my tribe has its own way of communicating. You wouldnıt understand. That tall skinny guy represents an advance for the good of the group, the group of tall skinny men. No matter what he thinks on issues. No matter his integrity. He is part of my tribe, and hence I feel a bond with him. He speaks for me. His success is my success. Food in his stomach is food in mine.
I now understand the reaction to the OJ Simpson verdict. (I believe he did murder two people.) If what is important about people is their race, and not what they choose to be, well, everything makes sense. OJıs acquittal symbolizes a great step forward for the tribe of black people everywhere. Some black people feel that OJ, as a black man, represents them. They feel more in common with him because of a shared race, than different from him because they have not murdered and he did.
Gosh, it is so easy now. I understand things more clearly than ever before. I do not need to judge people by what they choose to be. I can fit them into little categories of race, class, gender, and ethnicity. No need to call each other my first names anymore. I can greet people according to their group: ³Hey comrad tall man...Howdie my Asian endomorph friend.² You get the picture. Such a diverse student body we have here. Oh, and faculty, too.
All this time, I thought I was appreciated for who I chose to be. Gosh, what a relief. Hello Swarthmore, I am a tall skinny white man, and really, thatıs all you have to know about me. Us my type are interchangeable. Just keep the quota of tall skinny white men full. Print the demographics everywhere, and all will be well.